Tag: my immortal

fiddler-on-the-starship:

Whenever
I see people quoting/referencing/parodying My
Immortal it’s always one of the same four or five lines. You know the ones.

The
iconic opening paragraph, “Hi my name is
Ebony Dark’ness Dementia Raven Way and I have long ebony black hair… (et
cetera).”

“WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU
DOING YOU MOTHERFUKERS!”

“I MAY BE A HOGWARTS
STUDENT… BUT I AM ALSO A SATANIST!”

“Then he put his thingie
into my you-know-what and we did it for the first time.”

“And Loopin was
masticating to it!”

As
great as those are, I’d like to throw a spotlight on what I think are some
of the underappreciated parts of this classic work of fanfiction.

• Ebony puts blood on her Count Chocula cereal instead of milk.
• Enoby is canonically a weeaboo and speaks to her friends in Fangirl Japanese.
• Harry’s scar is now a pentagram instead of a lightning bolt, so either he found
  some sort of spell to alter the appearance of the scar or he actually took the time to carve a
  pentagram into his forehead.
• There is an OC named either Tom Riddle or Tom Rid who works at a “punkgoff” store
  in Hogsmeade and has absolutely nothing to do with Voldemort, he just happens
  to have the exact same name.
• Tara somehow got Fred and George mixed up with Crabbe and Goyle.
• The reason Snape doesn’t like Harry in this fic is because Snape is Christian
  and Harry is a Satanist.
• Marty McFly literally appears out of nowhere to help Enoby travel through “tim”
  with his “tim machine.”
• Chapter 11 ends with Hagrid singing along to “a gothic version of a song by 50
  Cent.”
• Voldemort inexplicably speaks in Ye Olde Butcherede Englishe.
• Voldemort wears high heels.
• Draco has a flying black Mercedes-Benz and a black MCR broom.
• Snape has a Dork Mark on his penis.
• Speaking of penises, Draco is apparently “hung like a stallone.” I guess Tara
  is a Rambo fan?
• The Hedwig/Voldemort sex scene, wherein Hedwig is a male human instead of a
  female owl, for some reason.
• Dumbledore flies around on his broomstick while holding a loaf of rye bread. At
  least, that’s what I think Tara meant by “Sudenly
  a gothic old man flu in on his broomstick. He had lung black hair and a looong
  black bread.”
• Oh yeah, and Dumbledore is an Avril Lavigne fanboy, because of course he is.
• James Potter’s “goff” nickname is Samoro, because Tara erroneously believes
  this to be the masculine form of the name Samara.
• Draco’s singing voice is described as “a
  cross between Gerard, Joel, Chester, Pierre and Marilyn Manson.”
• Tara’s brief feud with her editor Raven, as chronicled in the author’s notes, may or may not have had something to do with Raven borrowing Tara’s sweater
  and not giving it back. IDK, it’s unclear.
• Voldemort smokes a “gothic blak Nightmare b4 Christmas cigar.”
• McGonagall has the best insults, like “horny simpletons” and “mediocre dunces” and probably some others I’m forgetting.
• Dobby only appears once in the entire fic and literally all he does is watch
  Snape and Lupin have sex, and then run away crying.
• Sirius is referred to as Harry’s dogfather, and not gonna lie, even if it was a typo I
  think that is a genuinely clever pun.
• The Hogwarts janitor may or may not be Chuck Norris.
• Tara accurately predicted how Harry would defeat Voldemort in Deathly Hallows. No, really. “nd den hairy wil have 2 kommit suicide so
  voldimort will die koz he will rilly be a horcrox!!!!!111”
• This line: “Snap stated loafing
  meanly. He took out a kamera anvilly.”
• And this one: “‘Crosio!’ I shited pointing my wound.
  Snoop scremed and started running around da room screming.”
• “Azerbaijan”
• “Hoes of Wax”
• “Tom Bombodil”
• “Cornelio Fuck”
• “Professor Slutborn”
• “Preacher McGongol”
• “Lumpkin”
• “TaEbory”
• “The Bark Lord”
•  “Vadermort”

I also believe that Tara originally mistook Hagrid for Cedric, but then stayed with it after it was pointed out to her.

Also, I remember when I was six and Chamber of Secrets came out in cinemas, I didn’t get that Tom Riddle was Voldemort’s past self. I thought he was someone who was trying to become the next Voldemort and take over his legacy, or something? So, I think maybe that’s why Tom Rid is a seperate character from Voldemort; Tara thought they were two different people

polymathematical:

why is everyone so disappointed to learn my immortal was a troll fic? i’m glad to hear it. just the amount of craftsmanship put into this awful, awful parody. it’s beautiful. a masterpiece. a modern legend. and as an added plus, i no longer have to live with the fear that poking fun at the fic could be hurting someone’s actual feelings, who in this case would be a teenage girl just trying to write some self insert fic and getting yelled at by the ugliest parts of the web. instead, i just get to laugh at this awesome parody that is actually genuinely hilarious and charming, with the full knowledge that it’s meant to be laughed at! like, just how much better does that make the whole thing? to me, ONE HUNDRED PERCENT BETTER.

vampireapologist:

the my immortal author turns out to be an indigenous girl raised in the new york foster system who spent her teenage years searching for her little brother from whom she was separated and she wrote my immortal with her “beloved” foster sister as she looked for her brother and held on to herself in a life that couldn’t have been easy and the only reason she’s come out as the author of my immortal is because it plays such an important role in her childhood in the memoir she’s about to publish called “under the same stars”

and honestly of ALL the possibilities we’ve all ever considered surrounding this fic…… .

my friends and I passed the fic around in college after poetry class every day and read it laughing having no idea what we held in our hands.

I JUST.

I’m LITERALLY awe-stricken. I love her and want her to have everything good in the world.